what the hell do u think of urself?? And y am I like this? I WANNA be independent... i don wanna depend on anyone... i don wanna be in love... cos thts my weakness... its nt my strength.... n m not emotionally stable...!!!... Oh god.... n sumtimes its like an emotional outburst which i jus cant handle!!!... :'( :( there r times i feel sooo damned miserable tht i dunno what 2 do.... i wanna shout out aloud... remove my frustration on every damn person... react in a violent way... break every damn thing tht comes in my hand.... tense my muscles... gossshhh.... m nt calm.... i need 2 shoutt...... i need 2 throw tantrums.... wonderin wht wud calm me in such times?? i dunno....i jus cant relax my mindd.... i need 2 get it out... my FRUSTRATION.... my frustration of nt being loved... my frustration of nt being heard... my frustration of nt being able 2 do my work.... my frustration of the indecisiveness... my frustration of the unknown... my frustration of nt being able 2 do what i really wnat to without considering the consequences.... FRUSTRATION FRUSTRATION FRUSTRATION!!!.... AND no1 to calm me n sail me thru this frustration... no1 who can listen 2 me... no1 who can make me think sensibly... noone... absolutely noonee.... :'( M going CRAZYYYY.............................. n alas.... ur the only 1 who listens 2 me... who puts sense into me thru my own words.... calms me down... m much calmer now... though i wonder if m sane?

oops... i don think m suited 4 blogging!!... cos as ssoon as i feel like blogging, by the time i log in n de webpage opens... m blank!!... ive 4gotten what i wnated rite.... i try n rite a story bt its never my thots!!... almost never.... bt sure... it gets me into a happy mood :) HEEHAA :P (i guess this is esp coss i see a non zero probability of someone reading my crap :) )

heyyaa :)

m bak 2 blogging.... as usual durin my lows.... i guess ive bcum too lazy to be takin out my diary n ritin down n prefer jus openin a window n ritin all de crap... i knw that though this link is nt shared it mite come across sum1... well, i don care as long as tht sum1 is a stranger.... Anyone i guess wud b comfortable with a stranger readin their diary than sum1 whom dey knw?? Esp a stranger with whom dey r never gonna get aquainted with ;) :) n moreover.... if @ all i wanna destroy this... its easier with a mouse click than takin de pains of destroyin a diary of some 500 pages :) this is much safer!! :)

Oh cool.... m already feelin better :) It's amazing how riting down ur thoughts immediately calms de mind....dunno abt oders bt sure happens with me!!.... nice stress buster.... sum1 who jus listens n doesnt pep in unwanted advices. :) I lovee u!! :)

Ok.... coming to the pt.... what are relationships? What is frendship?? There r always times when i feel though u mite hav a 100 frends.... u feel lonely.... Though u mite hav 10 good frends... u dunno whom 2 share ur thoughts with.... though u mite hav 2 best frends... u find times when u r all alone... wanting to share yet nt able to.... wher de oder person fails 2 find time 4 u.... N allll ur frnds wud b busy @ precisely tht same time.... :( happens a lot with me.... its wen i start wondering if I have any frends @ all?? afterall... doenst frendship mean to be by ur frends side when dey need u? Then how is it that i find no1 beside me when i need sum1? @least sum1? :'(

M at loss of words..... its jus that time when i need 2 spend sumtime alone.... i wish i was by de beach side..... all alone........ i wish i cud share my thots with sum1.... jus sum1.... :(

Adios!

P.S. i don wish to reveal my relationship with my mom now... Its jus tooo full of frictions... I jus fail 2 understand her.. @ de same time i feel vice versa too... its ironic how i used 2 think shes de 1 who understands me perfectly :)

Lost & yet to be found!!!

Hi,
Nothing new.. I'm kinda lost again... lost in thots ya whatever.... I sometimes think I think a lot which I mist not... I'd rather enjoy the moment.... By doing this I'm sure I would enjoy the moment... but what about the future? I might not enjoy, I might. I might regret enjoying now, but I might also regret not enjoying later. What must one do? Should one go where life takes them or strive to find a new life for their own.

For all that I know now is, I know where I don't wanna go, and lifes taking me very much there. What can I do to take a turn? Any damn turn.. left, right, U.... Grrrr..... But where? The signboards are all empty!! Rather they all have '?' on them!! :(

I swear I've never been this confused in life! I've never thought much before taking a decision before, but now I am... more since I don;t wanna repeat the same mistake again. I'd rather think twice! :) But 1 bar sochne me itna waqt lag gaya to do I have time to think twice?

I guess I must lay down the rules of life... MY life.. what I want, they way I wanna live it :) what's imp 2 me considering just a few imp ppl in my life... ARGHHHHHH

I'm done for today!!... I wish someone would read and help me plsss.... :( I know I should be discussing all this with my frends n ppl close 2 me... pretty stupid of me to ask a stranger, but then i've already overburdened them with all these stuff n m sure they think m insane!!.. Maybe I really am..... but... well, who cares? All I care now is to take a quick, good and concrete decision!!.... :(

Hi!!

I'm back after quite some time... :)

.....(after a longggggggggg time)
Sorry!! I forgot what I wanted to write in all this gap...!! Had been away from desk... :( Hope to update soon... :)

Lessons!!

Life is a treasure di!!... Please enjoy it :)...
Don't bother about small andsenseless things in life... People may come and go out of your life... you can't expect all of ur frends to be there in ur life always... However, people moving away doesn't neccesarily mean they hating u or so na?? It's life... And plss never hesitate to contact & get in touch wit old frends... pls :) No Ego in Friendship!!... Love always and don't be scared of getting hurt... if u ever get hurt remember the happiness, love & memories th relationship has given u ... :)
Life is too short to be filled with hatred and tears.... Keep smiling & keep rocking :)

Complicated Heart

Y is life so confusing? Yea i know its not fair 2 call life as confusing... its jus me!! bt still... If mans given brains to think... n the use... or rather overuse of it complicates things what shud 1 do?
Relax!! Take things 1 at a time... isn't that what I would tell others? Then why am I not following it?
Oh mann... this is crazzyyy.... All i can conclude is that.... i'm realllyyyy bad @ maintaining relationships! :( very bad really... Am well aware tht ppl make mistakes n learn frm it... bt this is 1 thing I haven't learnt till date... maybe thts de reaosn i keep messing things up... its high time i spot my weaknesses n start workin on it!!... Yeah!! :)